it hurts more in the daytime
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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