I want to walk on stilts...naked
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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