I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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