If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
