i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
