She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
