it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
