my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
