I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
