It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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