We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
