I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
