he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
