What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
