He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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