I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
