genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
