shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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