Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
