When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
