I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
