Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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