my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I looked at my own cervix.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
