sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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