we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
