I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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