Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
