it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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