17 year olds will be the death of me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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