he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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