I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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