We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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