naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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