Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
