smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
