And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
