Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
