God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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