Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
