**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
