Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
