Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
