Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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