Just cropdusted the office
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
