I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
