That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
