I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
