waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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