Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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