dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
