Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
