don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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