When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Farmville is her only friend.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
